Friday, September 12, 2008

gather 'round friends i have a story to tell

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mighty is a friend of mine from the digital filmmaking workshop. today, he invited me over to his apt because he wanted to cook me lunch. i'm always curious to see where people live. also, free food? yes, please.

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except he set up the lunch table IN HIS BEDROOM and when i walked in there was a candle burning and sexy time music. my bad, bro i thought you was gay. actually, i still do think he is gay and i say it to his face and he just laughs but then proceeds to talk about the happy ending massage he got WITH A MAN in the philippines and he questions me about the cute male friends i have on my facebook. nevertheless, the sexy time music was just bad ipod shuffle timing.

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MFer laid out a seven course meal and refused to let me help "because it is korean tradition." not that i was complaining. he even gave me a goodie bag with food and a pack of cigarettes?

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he cooked bbq pork in a hot plate. we then had to take a piece of lettuce and top it with rice, bbq pork, chunks of garlic, sauteed onions, and some spicy korean sauce. then you fold that bitch in half and shove it all in your mouth:

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apparently, biting half of it is considered rude and disgusting because you can see the inside wrap after your first bite. the civil thing to do is eat it all in one go. needless to say, an errant piece of my particular lettuce leaf kept poking the back of my throat and i could neither chew nor maneuver the giant wrap i had just shoved in my mouth. it was the stem of the lettuce head that had gone too far back in my throat, so i started gagging, covered my mouth, and ran to the bathroom.

what i saw there did not help.




WARNING: THE FOLLOWING PHOTOS ARE NSFW/NOT SAFE FOR YOUR GAG REFLEX






SERIOUSLY







TURN AWAY





YOU'VE BEEN WARNED.....


there is a reason why mighty told me to use my apt bathroom before i came over to his place for lunch. he already warned me about it --


but i was not prepared.



ARE YOU STILL HERE?




REALLY?



for $400/mo he lives in this cramped apt building which permeated with a smell i can only describe as "funky." he lives with a roommate but they don't talk to each other. mighty used to clean, but his roommate never helped out, so eventually he gave up and so now NEITHER CLEANS. i should have gotten the hint wen i noticed that the once white kitchen sink was now covered by this black layer of sludge. there are no roaches or rats in the apartment, just flies. but it's a shitload of flies. when he uses the bathroom and he's sitting on the toilet, he has to move around because those flies will land on you.

THERE

WERE

A

LOT

OF

FLIES

surprisingly, none is his room but they were all over the apartment and seemed to have developed a hub in the bathroom.

flies come from maggots, don't they?

ugghhh i don't even wanna know.


ooohhhh but i bet you do....

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perhaps they come from the HOLE IN THE BATHROOM CEILING which was just above the toilet. apparently, every time the person upstairs flushes their toilet, their toilet water comes out through the hole.

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or maybe they come from THE LUMP OF SHIT CAKED ONTO THE TOILET LID.

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maybe the SOBs climb up through the pipes in THE CRUSTY ASS SHOWER.

jfkasjfdkajfkslafjsklafjskladfjdskljfkldsjfksla!

the music from the shower scene in psycho played in my head, and i turned and ran back out to the kitchen followed by a trail of flies that were hot on the scent of my bbq pork lettuce wrap.

i was gagging near the sludge covered sink, and it was at this point where i realized that perhaps a lesser person would have lost their appetite/reached their limits and may have stormed out of the apartment. but i simply went back into the bedroom and asked mighty if he used flip flops in the shower.

apparently, he barefeets that junks.

/shudder

i was a trooper and ended up hanging out there for 4+ hours. the food was actually really good, and the only reason i was able to keep any of it down was by reminding myself that at least mighty's room was really neat and clean and so indirectly that meant that there would not be any maggots in my food.

he cooked a lot of the food in the kitchen but cooked the pork, mushrooms, onions and garlic on a hot pot directly on the table, so that savory bbq smell was a welcome distraction. i brought some food home to cristy, and though i warned her, i refused to show her any of the apartment photos until after she had eaten.

tonight cristy and i are heading out to karaoke with some of her dc friends who are coming up for the weekend. i hope mighty comes, as i'm becoming quite fond of that 'mo (as i'm wont to do).

Thursday, September 11, 2008

R train




dear sir or madam,

i think i speak on behalf of every 4-9 year old child and/or all those in the 3'11"-4'11" height range when i ask: really?

yes safety should come first but is your ass crack really the only thing you could use to hold the subway pole? i feel for the unknowing victims who often hold onto the pole to stabilize themselves and wonder why it's so warm (though admittedly sometimes pleasantly so).

sir or madam i also notice that you are holding a 3-ring binder betwixt your thighs. i sincerely apologize if by some birth defect or tragic accident you no longer have use of your hands, but may i suggest the crook of your elbow or the head-to-shoulder technique that seems to work so well for cell phones?

Friday, August 22, 2008

alive!

wow this blog is 3 years old. don't have the heart to delete it.

i'm in new york now. living the poor life.

i don't really miss dc, but i do miss my friends on the daily. at one point there were 8 of us in that shared house.

= hot tranny mess from transylvania who's not even apologizing for it.

oh, the stories i have to share. :)

xoxo,
mc

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

housewarming

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for the record, the cake reads: Sorry for peeing on the futon.

i cannot make this stuff up, folks.

the whole concept of "housewarming" went a bit far. passing out and peeing yourself on the furniture is pretty high up there on the list of greatest party fouls you can commit. right up there with setting the host house on fire...

check and check.

whatever, it's still a really pretty house and we may forgive you one day.

not soon though.

Friday, June 15, 2007

pong

this is a pic of my sister and her boyfriend playing ping pong:

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more importantly, this is a pic of the free ping pong table we picked up friday night from mclean, va.

dom and i were trolling craigslist at about 3am thurs night/fri morning, as we're wont to do. he stumbled upon this little beauty and convinced me to go for it. i thought it would be a nice addition to our new place in dc, but seeing as it's gynormous, it has instead found a new home in the basement of minority court.

i'm a little more than addicted.

in conclusion, i love ping pong and free things in general.

Thursday, May 31, 2007

may 31, 2007

dear friend,

today i finally had time to sit down and read the perks of being a wallflower. it's cristy's copy. all her favorite parts are bracketed in black ink and have little comments like "aww" or ":)" and sometimes ":(" they're not necessarily long passages or quotable quotes. some of them are just words or phrases that jump out at you and make you think. make you smile. make you nod your head in some type of acknowledgment of a shared experience.

here are some of things she bracketed which saved me time from doing it myself:

- we accept the love we think we deserve.
- if he didn't leave, it would never be his life. it would be theirs.
- i want to make sure that the first person you kiss loves you.

the last one was bracketed, awww'ed, and unhappy-faced.

it's cute and kind of like her own way of participating with the book.

i like how the main character's name is charlie. i don't know why i like that name so much.

if you haven't read the book, it's about growing up and the angst of adolescence, friendships that make you feel infinite, and the quirks of a loving family. there are also bits about sex, drugs, and alcohol. check, check, checkity, check. kidding? i wish there were someone like Bill to encourage me to write an essay about the book and to tell me that i'm special. but i graduated from college 1.5 weeks ago and probably will never have to write an essay ever again.

reading the book brought back a lot of memories. not just about high school but also college and life in general. i wonder if it's normal to always feel like you're on the brink of growing up. i didn't have a pen to add my favorite part to this worn out copy, but i dog-eared the page where sam repeatedly encourages charlie to live in the moment. i think that's part of the epilogue.

i'm not really sure what i'm doing with my life or where i'll be next year or even next month. instead of being worried or stressed-out, i like the idea of living in the moment. i'm going to try to do it.

i'm sorry that this letter has taken such a digression. what i really wanted to say is: i have not left the house in three days, but ironically i am still homeless. this temporary move back home post-grad is slowly sucking the life out of me, but i do enjoy waking up at 2pm.

love always,
me

Monday, May 14, 2007

happy mama's day

i was checking mom's email last night, as per request. i noticed an old email from sis that she had sent to mom. it was marked as read, but mom never replied to it. so 10 days later (mother's day) i decide it would be a good idea to reply to sis' email from mom's account b/c it would make her day that mom is thinking about her on this special day:

my dearest cristy,

today is mother's day. thank you for your gift of NOTHING. i'm sorry i ever gave birth to you.

xoxo,
mom


ok, so i didn't really sign it "mom" but used my name instead. good thing too b/c apparently sis is way insecure.

her response to me:

why are you always messing with me??! my jaw kind of dropped when i read that and i was like holy shit why would mom write such a mean email.

can you sense the panic in there? i can and it makes me feel warm inside. roflcopter.

the moral of this story? tell your family you love them. then mess with them a little. rinse and repeat.